Insomnia
by DreamingOfDissent
Summary: Just snippets from a discarded journal of Integra's.


Disclaimer: I own nothing in the way of characters. As much as I love them, they're not mine and I'm not profiting in any monetary way. The only thing I'm getting out of the fanfiction is amusement and feedback on my writing. Both of these are important to my health and well being, so please… Comment and enjoy.

I figured that since Integra doesn't spend time on herself like a normal human being, she would rather share her troubles with herself than Walter or Alucard. God knows that going to Seras for advice is beneath her. *rolls eyes* I just thought that she'd keep little journals until she managed to work her problems out. This particular journal lives in her nightstand, forgotten for the past few years... There was a bit of a note sketched at the end... Didn't look like the rest of the entries... Hmmm...

* * *

Friday, August 20  
The damned dreams won't stop. They are just dreams. Completely mundane and nondescript. I can't even remember them when I awaken, but I know that I've had them the whole bleeding night long. They have been troubling my sleep for months. If they don't end soon, I am going to consider sleeping pills.

Saturday, August 21  
Had them again. Seem to remember something about Seras and a ballerina outfit. That may not have been a dream, however. She has been acting remarkably… Seras… lately…

Monday, August 23  
Alucard mentioned the circles beneath my eyes today. Maybe I should talk to someone about the dreams…

Tuesday, August 24  
That was an utter failure. Alucard sensed my feelings about my dreams and offered to see if he could identify the problem by slipping around in my thoughts while I dreamt. I have nothing to hide from him, so I consented, thinking that it would be easier than asking Walter which over the counter sleeping pill to try. I was wrong. Not only did he slip into the dream, he also made it rather indecent. The letch has been leering at me all day. I've shot him no less than three times and all he can do is grin. Bloody bastard.

Thursday, August 26  
Apparently Alucard spoke to Walter about my difficulty sleeping without my consent. This afternoon, I found a pill bottle on my desk that claimed to contain Valerian Root. The pills smell positively horrid, but I suppose they're worth a shot.

Friday, August 27  
God, what dreams… A little research led me to the knowledge that valerian root is where the pharmaceutical companies derive the main ingredient in valium from. The quality of my sleep has improved marginally. But Dear God… If these dreams don't stop…

Sunday, August 29  
I actually miss the dreams. That nightmare…  
Vampires no longer scare me. Werewolves are merely nuisances, ghosts annoy me… but vultures with the heads of men? I have not been so unsettled by a mere nightmare in years. That was the most horrifying and absurd nightmare that I can recall. Alucard apparently thought I was in distress, because I awoke to him sitting at the end of my bed, orange eyes locked on me. I just held the blankets closer to my chest and turned the light on. Knowing that he was there soothed me just like it used to after my father's death. He used to tend to me then, too, keeping my inner demons at bay with nothing but his presence. I should thank him somehow.

Thursday, September 2  
I threw the rest of the pills in the garbage. They only make the dreams seem louder and more vivid. I will simply try sleeping a bit longer… perhaps try to finish my paperwork sooner? I think my nocturnal lifestyle may be a bit of the problem.

Friday, September 10  
Will nothing work? Insomnia has to be the worst affliction known to mankind. If this continues, I am certain that I will go mad.

Sunday, September 12  
When I went into my room this evening, I found a stuffed toy bear lying on my pillow. It was the color of Alucard's coat and had a small black ribbon tied about its throat. There was also a note pinned to its hand. It was from Alucard, a list of directions on the use of what he called a 'teddy bear'. I never had much use for stuffed animals as a child, but if holding a scrap of stuffing and material as I sleep will end these dreams, I suppose I will give it a try.

Monday, September 20  
It worked. I have not had a single dream in over a week. I have no idea how a bit of cloth banished my dreams even better than medication, but it did. I suppose I have no more reason to write in this notebook.

(Note in different handwriting, in different ink. Instead of black, the writing is the color of blood and a mix of messy scrawl and regal script)

And to think, she would have refused to allow me to sleep in her bed had I stayed in my usual form... Sometimes deception is the only way… -A


End file.
